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In Memory of
Christian James and
Grace Marie
The following page is dedicated to my experience while going through the journey of grief.
Grieving is a process but we have to go through it to get healing.
We can have healing, God is so faithful and He promises to heal our broken hearts.
He does keep His promises!
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.Christian James Viana
November 12,1996
He had black hair and blue eyes and he looked like his dad
Grace Marie Viana
Our baby went to be with our Lord and Savior
January 3,2000
We only had our baby in the womb for 10 weeks
But we will always have her in our heart.
In my grieving process I felt maybe I could share with people how I made it to the other side of the grief door with the loss of Christian and how I am making it with the loss of our fifth child. I should say-how God brought and is briging me to the other side. If what I have learned and am going through can help you in your process, then it will help me to move forward a little more in mine. I know there is nothing anyone can say to take away the pain or make you feel better, but hearing that someone else feels the same way as you do can give a little comfort. I am in the healing process and you can be also. I think the hardest thing to learn was that to get on the right road you must start grieving. I had to do the things I did not want to do so that I would grieve! It is the begining of the healing of your broken heart. It may take the rest of your life or until your are reunited with your baby in heaven for the whole process to be complete. Trust the Lord and He will help you through each day, first minute by minute then hour by hour and then day by day. You can do it with the help of Jesus.
I was just learning to come to resolution with the loss of our son and then it happened again! But I have found that I can still count on God to keep His promises.He will not leave me without support to go through it all alone. He is here with me. And now I have two beautiful babies to see in heaven. I am lookingforward to that day when we all can be reunited again. I know the day will come.
God has kept His promise to me: Psalms 147:3-5: "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He calls them all by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding is infinite." When I am feeling all alone he reminds me that I am not. Hebrews 13:5: For He Himself said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiouslly look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help your, surelly I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." He also showed me how to make it day by day with Him. II Cor. 12:9: And He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness, Therefore most gladly I would rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me." I have also learned that Christian's life had meaning as well as our Baby Viana too. It did not matter that they were never alive outside my womb. Their livese touch people who could see the Lord at work in my life. The reason for their death I do not know, but God has given me the knowledge that He knows why and that I trust Him so I don't have to know why. That comfort did not come all at once, it took a lot of tears and a lot of praying and asking for help. God did not get mad at me for asking Him "WHY?" He loved me through it. He took the anger away and gave me peace. I think I will always have a little tug at my heart (and sometimes a big tug) for my children and I don't think that it will go away until I see them in heaven; but I do know I can call on Jesus when I am sad and He will go through it with me. You don't have to worry about losing your baby because you are done with your grieving process, because your baby will always be in your heart. You will find that you can go on and keep your baby with you. You do not have to do it alone. You have to choose to give your hand to Jesus and let Him go through it with you.
Some things that helped me were talking about my son to anyone who would listen. Telling about his delivery, how much he weighed, how long he was, the color of his eyes, and how long the delivery was. (The things that all new mothers talk about.) Writing letters to Christian telling him how I felt, and what was happening on holidays and special occasions also helped. Another way was getting help and going to a support group and hearing that I am not crazy for having all the emotions and pain that I have gone through and still experience. Talking to my husband and realizing that he did the process different then I did was very important. He hurt but in his own way! My parents were also a big help. I could call them to just cry. Crying is something you will do a lot, but it is part of the healing process. The tears help release the tention. So do not hold the tears back. They will decrease on thier own in time. I still cry now and then. I also made a scrapbook and put together a photo album from the hospital. I was fortunate to have pictures from the delivery. At the hospital, where I delivered Christian a great support group called Resolve Through Sharing (RTS) was formed by the nurses. The nurses are a great resource. Ask them for help! Most hospitals have similar groups. They help both the mother and the father. For our recent loss I wrote a letter to all our friends telling them about our baby. It was hard becaue we did not know if it was a girl or a boy. Do things to help you recognise your baby. You did have a baby and you still are that babies mother or father. I don't know which one is harder to go throgh a miscarriage or a stillbirth. To me they both hurt a lot! One we had things to remind us of our baby and the other we have nothing. Our baby was here and then just gone.I have decided to name my baby and the reason that I am naming her Grace Marie is because deep down in my heart I feel that it was a girl. I do not know for sure but it helps me feel like I am doing something for my baby. It took a couple of months of going back and forth about it. I believe that God heard my cry of pain and answered me when I asked if there was a way that he could tell me if it was a girl or boy and he did. He showed me that I knew the answer in my heart and by the way I had always picked names for our other children and I believe that He used a friend to help me see what was right in frount of my face. He just pointed it all out so I could see it clearly. He does answer prayers that may seem so small to others but big to us.
It will get better, there is hope for healing.that hope is in Jesus!
I am not a professional, I am just a Mom who has been through the worst thing a parent can go through, the death of a child. I want to share my story so maybe others can find the same help and Peace and Hope that I have found through the Lord Jesus Christ. I hope others can see what Jesus has done for me and how He can help you too. God's Grace is REAL and unconditional and infinite and without it I don't think I would have survived this tremendous ordeal! In your process you will find just how much Jesus really cares and loves you.
Jesus can do it all!
for visiting my page
I would be happy to hear from you if you would like to share a similar loss, or if
I can share anything further to help you through your grief.
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